Brandon’s six-month doctor’s visit
I took Brandon to the doctor for his six-month checkup a couple of weeks ago. I should have known it would be an eventful visit because I took him by myself. Usually David will meet me there, which is nice because Brandon likes to monumentally poop at the doctor’s office. At his four-month visit, it was EVERYWHERE. His legs, his carseat, his outfit. Ugh.
Anyway, all seemed well as we waited to be called back. Once in the back, they wanted to weigh him. As I took him out of his carrier, I joked that I was surprised he hadn’t pooped all over everything since that’s what he likes to do there. The nurse laughed and about five seconds later, kindly pointed out that he had pooped and it was coming out of his onesie. I looked and it was. And it was on his carseat, too. Of course, it was the one time we didn’t have the cover on it because it was in the wash. I managed to clean him up in the examination room while he squirmed and ate the paper on the table. I also made sure to wipe the poop off his carrier. Everything seemed to be clear of poop.
As the doctor and the nurse practitioner walked in the door, Brandon spit up all over my bare legs. Brandon has maybe spit up ten times his entire life and he decided this moment was just perfect for it. I then had to clean myself up since I had spit up running down both legs.
The doctor examined Brandon and deemed him perfect, as usual. I asked him about Brandon’s penis. I made sure to call it a penis and everything. Usually I would have said dong or wiener or something like that, so I was pretty proud of myself for being so mature. Anyway, on our last visit to Shreveport, my mother acted as if I had gotten Brandon circumcised in a back alley or something so I voiced her concerns to the doctor. The doctor deemed his wiener to be just fine. He did show me how to push back the skin to help it along. I usually do push it back when I’m changing his diaper or bathing him. I did not realize I was not pushing it back far enough because the doctor REALLY pushed it back. In fact, Brandon cried. I almost puked. Brandon usually laughs and smiles when his wiener is touched (disconcerting, but I’ll take that over him crying in pain), so this really bothered me. The doctor said we really only needed to be that extreme with it once per day. Of course, I came home and told David this was his domain.
After the doctor and nurse practitioner left the room, we had to wait for the nurse to come in with his vaccinations. He was getting a little fussy so I handed him his Mortimer the Moose to chew on. Please do not call Social Services after you read what I am about to tell you. I had forgotten that Mortimer had been in his carrier with him when he pooped. As Brandon went to chomp on his ear, I noticed Mortimer’s ears looked a little dirty. Yep, there were trace amounts of poo on them. And my baby likely put his mouth on that f-ing moose. Poor Brandon. Of course he cried when I took away Mortimer and proceeded to cry until he fell asleep. Of course the nurse came in, woke him up and assaulted him with several shots. I also got a flu shot. You know what’s not easy? Getting a flu shot when you are holding a crying, screaming, squirming baby. Especially after you’ve seen your baby possibly eat poo.
So as you can see, it was a beautiful outing, all in all. Brandon is still big as can be. He weighed in at 19.2 lbs and measured 27.5 inches long. And his ding-dong is just fine.
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