Four-week postpartum checkup

I went to this checkup Thursday of last week. I had actually been back to see the doctor one week after I had Brandon because I was having so much pain. That one-week visit was pretty uneventful. She just assured me everything I was feeling was normal and to expect a rougher recovery because I labored for so long before my section. She also changed my pain medication from Tylox to Dilaudid.

The four-week visit was a little more eventful. Imagine my surprise when I got in the examination room and the nurse told me to change into the pap smear outfit. I gave David a WTF? look because I really did not want to have a pap smear. I am not exactly sure what I thought he might do about it. The nurse left the room and he helped me change into the stupid gown and sheet.

The doctor came in and checked out my incision. She said it looked good and there were no signs of infection, although I could have done without her fooling around with it. She could have just used her EYES. Then I had to lie flat for her to push on my belly. As soon as she started that nonsense, I broke out into a sweat because my belly was very tender and I could feel that there was something bulbous (what a word!) she was pushing on. I think as a general rule you never want the word “bulbous” used to describe something in your tummy. She told me I had a hematoma and it would go away on its own but that it was definitely adding to my pain. She gave me another prescription for the Dilaudid and told me to keep a heating pad on my belly.

After that, she kindly told me she would spare me the pap smear because I had experienced enough discomfort for the day. What a relief! I still don’t understand why that was even part of the plan in the first place. I mean, that’s borderline assault, trying to pap smear (yeah, I just used pap smear as a verb) someone four weeks after giving birth. I think my cervix has been through quite enough, thank you.

We talked for a while after that and she answered a lot of my questions. But then she had a question for me: what did I want to do about birth control? Uh, lady, I have a hematoma in my belly, a sensitive incision on my lower abdomen, my boobs are leaking milk, I’m still having some postpartum bleeding, horrible hemorrhoids, a floppy gut, not to mention a newborn at home–I think all of those combined are the most powerful birth control I’ve ever experienced. What kind of crazy person does she think I am? I told her we could wait on the birth control. It’s not likely that I am going to be overcome with passion anytime soon.

So that was that. She sent me down for a blood test and urine sample (I had gotten a UTI around week 3 but refused to go in to give a urine sample so they prescribed me antibiotics over the phone). She ordered the blood test to see if I had any sort of internal infection along with the hematoma. The results of both were normal, so that was a relief.

She wants to see me next week to check on the hematoma (more belly pushing) and to finally give me that pap smear.


April 28, 2011. Uncategorized.

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