All I wanted was a cherry limeade

Today I am 40 weeks, 4 days pregnant. I woke up feeling pretty good. I was really looking forward to my massage and adjustment at the chiropractor’s. As usual, my appointment was great and I left the office feeling fab. I got in the car and all I could think about was a gigantic cherry limeade. I wasn’t sure which Sonic I wanted to go to and that’s where I made a decision that really affected my good spirits. I decided to not backtrack and go to the one on Coursey but to hit the one on Perkins instead. I then decided that was silly because the one on Coursey was closer and so what if I had to make a couple of u-turns to get there (such is the nature of Coursey if you want to go anywhere on that stupid street!)? So I made my first u-turn without incident. When it came time to make the second one, there were a couple of other cars in the median waiting along with me (again, such is the nature of Coursey).

Well, all of a sudden the woman in the car next to me starts honking and screaming at me that she gets to GO FIRST!!!!! and that she CAN’T SEE THE CARS COMING!!!!!!!! She was seriously going bananas. I shouted back at her that I wasn’t trying to go ahead of her. She kept screaming that she couldn’t see around me. So finally I did what any woman 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant would do–I lost my temper, told her to calm the fuck down and called her a fat bitch (unoriginal, I know). Finally, I just went and then turned into Sonic, eager to seek respite in my cherry limeade. Then something happened I was not counting on. She followed me to Sonic. And what kind of person does that? A crazy one, that’s who.

So as I’m about to press the button to place my order, I see this insane woman marching over to my car. I immediately put up the window and lock the doors. She comes up to my window and she has a notepad in her hand. She starts screaming I’M GOING TO HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR SLANDER!!! I kind of laughed in surprise and told her I didn’t think she understood what slander meant and that she couldn’t have me arrested for calling her a name. She started spouting more crazy and at this point I just ignored her and dialed 911 on my phone and held it up to her, hoping she would go away. But no. She said, “Call the police. They will arrest you for SLANDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” So I called them. As I was talking to the dispatcher, crazy lady was getting extremely agitated and writing furiously on her notepad. She slammed the notepad up against my window to show me her note. It read “DID YOU TELL THEM YOU CALLED ME A FAT BITCH?” I had indeed. But I ignored her as I continued to explain the situation to the dispatcher. The woman I spoke with told me to sit tight and that calling someone a name was not illegal, but stalking someone was and that I had done the right thing by calling.

At this point, with the fat bitch standing right outside my window, I began to get a little upset. What was wrong with this person? Who does this kind of thing? I called David and he was livid. He immediately left work (he was only a few blocks away) even though I told him not to. I told him to please not try to talk to this woman because she was nuts and I didn’t want her to do something crazy to him. But he arrived and did try to talk to her. She informed him I had called her a name. He told her to get over it. She told him she was going to have me arrested for calling her a name. At this point, a sheriff deputy arrives. I tell David to go ahead and go meet the person he was supposed to be meeting for lunch. He talks a bit with the po-po and it is pretty clear the deputy thinks the woman is crazy too. David leaves and then another sheriff deputy arrives and I see him talking to her. He comes over to me and has a look in his eye that basically translates to “You poor, hugely pregnant woman. I am in disbelief over this nutjob taunting you.” He tells me I didn’t do anything illegal (duh). I apologize to him and tell him I am certain there are more important things going on in EBR but that I just don’t trust someone who is crazy enough to follow me to Sonic. He agrees and tells me she won’t be bothering me anymore. So I left, shaken up, sans cherry limeade.

Anyway, thanks a lot, crazy lady. Now my baby definitely does not want to come out, and I don’t blame him/her one bit.


March 16, 2011. Uncategorized.

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