I felt like I should definitely contribute to the blog since I kind of put Emily in this situation. So here it is… from the guy’s perspective.
I’m not sure I knew what to expect when Emily told me she was pregnant, but I have to say that the whole experience has been a lot of fun. Don’t get me wrong, there have been ups and downs (e.g., nausea and headaches, sleeplessness and automobile theft) but I get really excited when we talk about the future and raising our baby. The hardest thing for me has been seeing her when she is feeling bad and knowing there is nothing I can do to make her feel better. Just a few short years ago, I never imagined I’d be here with my beautiful wife.
Each day it gets more and more real and it’s hard to believe that we will be parents in March. From what I have heard from friends, it gets way more real in the delivery room. Of course I am still really nervous, but I don’t think anyone is totally prepared to have a kid. I will leave everyone with a quote from a friend when I asked him if he was nervous about having a child:
“I know way bigger dumbasses than me that have had kids.”
I think that about sums it up.
So I took my first official “baby bump pic.” This will probably be pretty rare, as I don’t plan to have a lot of pictures of myself taken during my pregnancy. Anyway, I took this pic at almost 16 weeks (I’m nearly 17 as of this writing) and wasn’t completely offended by it–I actually look sort of fetching; however, I went to a wedding this weekend and was shocked and dismayed at all pictures taken of me over the weekend. What gives? I have studied this original picture, wondering if maybe I was standing a certain way or what. Or is the iPhone/mirror method the way to go when taking pictures of oneself while pregnant? Maybe this highly advanced photography technique opens a secret portal to a fantasy world where one doesn’t look disgusting. If this is the case, all future pictures of myself will be taken by me, using an iPhone and a mirror. For comparison, I’m posting the mirror picture first and a picture of me from this weekend (taken just a few days after the mirror pic) below it.
Cute, huh? Just wait. Things quickly go downhill.
If I didn’t have this baby in my stomach, I would seriously go jump in the river.
I had my third doctor’s appointment as a PL today. It was at 8 a.m. I’ve made all the appointments bright and early so David could go with me and go to work afterward. I told him today this was the end of that trend. I’ve never been a morning person and that’s become ten times worse since I’ve gotten knocked up. Most days, I sleep until 10 a.m. Having to get up at 6:30 a.m. to shower (there is no option of not showering before you go somewhere where people routinely poke around in your junk) and be out the door by 7:30 is no fun. Also, speaking of having to shower prior to the ob/gyn visits, would it be inappropriate to call the day before and ask if my appointment is a “panties off” situation? The last two visits no one has looked at my hoo-ha. I could have slept an extra 20 minutes rather than showering.
Today I saw a midwife I’ve never seen before. She was really nice. So far I’ve liked the three I’ve met. Well, I thought I liked the second one but I was a little put-off when the one today looked at the notes from the last time and asked, “How’s the depression?” I was like, hold the phones. The last appointment I’d just returned from Tahoe the day before so my internal clock was off and I was exhausted from traveling as well. I felt fat and zitty and furious. When they told me the doctor was running super late, I told my husband to go on to work so I was all alone (I made him go–I knew there was no telling how long we’d be waiting). Then they told me I’d probably just have to come back later. Well, I got mad and cried. When they were able to get me in to see one of the midwives, I blubbered to her that I hated my skin, how fat I looked, how I was tired of being tired and nauseated and that my husband was getting on my nerves. So, basically I was having a really off day–not unusual when you have all these wacky pregnancy hormones coursing through your body. She told me because I have a history of depression, I need to monitor how I’m feeling because I might want to consider getting on antidepressants. I told her I was just in a bad mood. Anyway, I think she exaggerated a bit in her notes. I’m not saying I feel like singing from the rooftops but I certainly have not been like I was that ONE day. I hope she calms down and stops writing hysterical notes like that on my chart.
Anyway, we listened to the heartbeat. It took a while for the nurse to find it, which made us a little nervous, so it was such a relief to hear it! Baby is healthy with 150 bpm. Other than that, the nurse prescribed me some Zofran for nausea (just in time for David’s football season hangovers!), another medication for headaches (can’t remember the name) and told us of a nifty Unisom/B6 cocktail I can use to put me right to sleep at night. David is very relieved I am getting meds for all this stuff even though he knows he practically has to twist my arm for me to take anything. He thought I was bad before but since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been really bad about taking anything other than my prenatal vitamins.
I haven’t gained any weight since my last visit a month ago, which wasn’t a huge surprise because I have had a very poor appetite. I was a little surprised, though, just because I feel like I’m bigger. I celebrated by getting a McGriddle on the way home. Actually, I was really excited I even wanted breakfast–the last few weeks I have been practically forcing myself to eat.
So, all in all, a good appointment. It’s going to really suck toward the end of my pregnancy when I have to go to appointments more frequently. This once a month stuff already seems a bit excessive. The only plus is they don’t make you take your drawers off every time.
Judge away (behind my back of course)…
Q: Were you trying to get pregnant?
A: No, not really. I went off birth control in October and we decided whatever happens, happens. Apparently whatever was meant to happen happened one evening in June, most likely on a night when there wasn’t really anything to watch on TV.
Q: When is your due date?
A: March 12, 2011. As I write this, I am nearly 14 weeks.
Q: Are you going to find out the sex?
A: No. Well, we are hoping it becomes pretty clear upon delivery. So we’ll find out then.
Q: Do you have any names picked out?
A: Sort of. If we have a girl, she’ll likely be Carson. Juliet used to be our number-one girl name and we still love it, but the idea of having a cute little girl named Carson Castille is just too hard to resist! There is no doubt if we one day have two girls, we would use Juliet, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. As for boy names, I really like Fletch. David thinks Fletcher is a good name but he is still not 100 percent on board. I am not really keen on naming him Fletcher because I know I would call him Fletch anyway. We’ll see–still lots of name discussions to be had.
Q: Who is your doctor?
A: Honestly, I have yet to see my doctor. I have seen the nurse-midwives who work in the same practice. I am totally fine with using a midwife. I haven’t settled on a particular one and probably won’t. I don’t want to get stuck on one midwife because she will likely not be available the day I go into labor anyway. Of course, if I become a high-risk pregnancy or require medical intervention, my doctor is available to me.
Q: Where are you having the baby?
A: At the Family Birthing Center at Ochsner Medical Center.
Q: Are you going to have drugs?
A: I really only like recreational drugs, so most likely not. I am going to try to go without an epidural. Midwives are well-versed in natural births. We’ve hired a doula as well. Of course, I am going to do whatever is best for the baby and me. I know things don’t always go as planned. Ideally, though, I would like to have a natural birth. I am leaning pretty heavily toward doing a water birth too.
I think these cover most of the questions we’ve been asked; however, I am happy to answer any others. A lot of my friends don’t have babies and I want to be as open and honest as possible about everything.
I love advice. I ask my friends for advice on many things. What I don’t love is an unsolicited opinion. Once you get pregnant, however, everyone on Earth will try to tell you what’s what. Even people who have never been pregnant or have kids. Even worse, men will give you their opinions. And then the very worst? When people ask you something about your pregnancy, make a face at your decision and then proceed to tell you why your choice is stupid. Here are some right and wrong ways to handle a pregnant lady (PL). Clearly, the very best way to handle her is to avoid her. If you can’t manage that, refer to these examples.
You: So do you have any girl names picked out?
PL: Yes. We really love the name Fartasha Vulvodynia.
You (incorrect response): Ewww. I don’t like that at all. I knew a girl in high school named Fartasha and she was stupid and picked her nose. She smelled like fish.
You (correct response): That’s really pretty.
You: So are you going to find out the sex?
PL: No, we’ve decided to wait.
You (incorrect response): That’s so stupid. I don’t understand people who do that. I would never do that. There is no point to waiting.
You (correct response): Oh how fun!
You: So do you like your doctor? Who is it?
PL: We actually go to a witch doctor. He’s really great. My husband and I did a lot of research and decided his methods suit us best.
You (incorrect response): You’re not seeing a real doctor?!?!? I’ve never even heard of people doing this! You’re crazy!
You (correct response): How interesting. I don’t know a lot about witch doctors delivering babies. Why don’t you tell me more?
You: So are you being induced, doing an epidural, having a C-section, what?
PL: Well, we discussed all the different methods with our doctor and we’ve decided I’m going to have the baby while I’m hanging upside down from a tree. I’ll probably labor in a tub filled with Jell-O while listening to Vanilla Ice, but will climb the tree when the baby is crowning.
You (incorrect response): No drugs? Jell-O? A tree? Are you crazy? Your whole plan sounds insane.
You (correct response): Wow. I don’t know anyone who has ever done that before. You’ll have to let me know how it goes.
You: So you quit smoking?
PL: Yeah, it’s been really tough. I think about having a cigarette every single day.
You (incorrect response): You know, with all my pregnancies, I smoked, drank and even did coke from time to time. My kids are perfectly fine. Want a cigarette? Just one won’t hurt.
You (correct response): Good for you. I know that must be hard.
And so on. Basically, be kind and supportive no matter what. If you can’t handle that, keep your mouth shut. And for all my friends who are moms and/or are pregnant right now, please know I love hearing your stories. Sharing your experiences is helpful to me. But judge me and my choices like I judge you and yours–behind my back. That’s the only polite way to do it. Criticizing anyone on pregnancy/birth choices is as personal and inappropriate as, say, you walking into my bedroom while my husband and I are doing it and giving us pointers.
Welcome to our new blog! I can only imagine the four people interested in our baby are thrilled. Yes, I still have my goodinplenty blog but that is clearly no place for talk of babies and family. Here, I will post updates on my pregnancy and our preparations for our new addition. Once Baby Castille is here, I will become even more lame and post riveting blogs about the baby and what the baby is doing. I expect our readership to be down to David’s mom alone around that time.
While David is certainly thrilled about the tiny fetus who is currently wreaking havoc on my body, WE are not pregnant. I am pregnant. There is no “we” in pregnancy. It is a lonely, uncomfortable time where you want to murder everyone, especially people who are living it up with their cigarettes and booze. I’m looking at you, David.